If the patient whom we care for dies unexpectedly, we are devastated. Openly discussing the possibility of death is less emotionally difficult when the critically sick person is still able to talk about it.
Then if the death takes place suddenly, the loved ones can take comfort in the fact that they have discussed things over. In addition, confronting the ultimate end-result decreases anxieties and fears, promotes spiritual anticipation and allows the patient and family members to embrace each day more fully.
Other benefits become more evident as we examine how we can help them talk and plan for such an eventuality.
Encourage the dying person to spend time being spiritual, meditating. If they believe in God, give them time to pray and restore a strong connection.
Remind the patient that trying to figure out why he or she has to suffer or die can be counter-productive as we will never know all the answers. What is more important is how one responds to his or her present situation.
Enable and encourage them to spend time with family members, mend broken relationships, restore lost friendships and seek forgiveness where applicable.
Encourage the dying to cry together as a family as tears are soothing to the soul. They should say all that needs to be said. This includes what they want and don’t want from others, talking about funeral or burial plans, and bestowing a final blessing over their loved ones.
Help them put their financial and legal matters in order. This includes writing up a will, tidying up the bank accounts and confirming insurance or EPF beneficiaries. The patient may want to assign power of attorney to someone to take care of the financial responsibilities or make medical decisions when he becomes incompetent.
If he is concerned with changes to his physical appearance, get him to talk about his fears or embarrassments, and help him do what he wants to feel better about how he looks.
Watching comedy shows and reading funny stories can be therapeutic and provide some relief.
Remind him to keep a balance between hope and reality. He can still defy the odds. Many miracles have been known to happen. The worst predictions of the doctors are only their best guesses.
All said, the dying needs to be reminded there is always hope. Offer them your compassion and affirmation, not judgment or theological ideas. The objective is to make the dying feel their lives are worthwhile and valued so that they will die in peace.
Text edited from GGP Outreach, which seeks to provide a supportive role in journeying alongside grieving persons, and at the same time, facilitate involvement and care for grieving persons by others.
